The Making of the Documentary
I faced a lot of challenges while making this documentary. I struggled to focus my ideas since I had so many. Once I settled on an idea, I struggled to fit it into the guidelines of documentary making for a very long time. I had a friend willing to be interviewed but only via audio, and so I struggled to find video and visuals to add meaningfully to the audio portion.
Although I originally did not plan on including myself or my face, I realized that the first draft felt completely void of me despite the documentary being based on my thoughts, feelings and using my voice. While including videos of myself that were never meant for any purpose rather than vlogging for myself still feels incredibly vulnerable, my documentary now feels much more personal to myself.
Script
Avani (voiceover): I’ve always wanted to be liked by boys. Many girls do, I think. It’s ingrained in us. It’s impossible to escape it. So, I perform for it.
When I was a little girl, I tried so hard to look older than I was.
*Video playing of someone’s face/ doing a slow activity like being on their phone.*
Avani (voiceover): I was willing to fight for it. Now, everyone seems to like me young again. Too young.
*Maybe a clip of me just kinda holding the bow clips*
Avani: I bought some bows. They feel too girly, too immature. My friend says boys like us innocent.
(Friend talking about wearing teddy bear shorts to a hookup and them getting sexualized by the boy when her mom just thought they looked like cute little girl’s underwear. )
Avani: So we act how they want. We just want to be liked by boys, after all. To be a woman is to perform.
(Friend talking about how women take up the role of being submissive to satisfy the male urge for dominance, and how men prefer qualities such as being hairless and having no acne)
Avani: We tell our fathers we’re virgins, and we let them sigh in relief. We sleep with men who like being called daddy and act like we’ve never done it before. We wear our sexiest teddy bear shorts, and flaunt our tiny hairless bodies to our loudest audience- the male gaze.
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